“Your life is always a perfect reflection of your state of heart and mind, and of your truest identity” – Bryant McGill
I joke all the time that children are little mirrors. But it’s not a joke, it’s a sobering fact. My children are constantly mirroring back the traits that I most need to work on. They are literally my own in-house therapists! They also (from time to time) mirror back the good things as well, but the things I need to work on are SO much more apparent…like my short temper, my snarky comebacks, my tendency to yell first, speak calmly later. {Being boldly honest here.} And I find it maddening when they act like me this way, but as the saying goes…the things we dislike in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves. There is some good news here, though, the opposite is also true. The likable behaviors we see in others are also a reflection of the likable things within ourselves! {oh hallelujah!}
This goes further than children, though. Everyone and everything that happens in your day…a misunderstanding with a coworker, a fight with your spouse, a judgement towards the person who cut you off in traffic is a mirror. When these triggering moments happen, take a moment and think “What is this mirroring back to me? Why is this triggering me? What is this moment/person here to teach me?” I promise it’s not just that you should leave earlier for work to avoid traffic….it’s much deeper than that. Your anger, frustration, impatience, judgement, etc. has absolutely nothing to do with that person or situation, and everything to do with you and some part of yourself that needs to be healed. And the more you ignore it, the MORE you will be find these triggering situations and people crossing your path.
An example, if you struggle with control issues…controlling people will continue to show up in your life…over and over until you learn to address the controlling aspect of your own personality. (You’ll know you have healed this part of you when controlling people show up, but they no longer trigger you.) The key is to observe these negative traits within others (and ourselves) without judgement and without getting wrapped up in their drama. This takes time, and lots of practice, but it can be done….with lots of looking inward rather than outward. Remember, when you point the finger of blame at someone else, there are always three fingers pointing back at you. {You just checked to see if I’m right, didn’t you? It’s okay, I did the same the first time I heard this!}
The other (and maybe more important) thing to be aware of here is that we can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves. The best way to more readily love and accept yourself? Forgiveness. Forgive yourself!! Embrace the lesson this moment has come into your life to teach you and then forgive yourself (and the other person, too) for not knowing what you didn’t know or for not being what they cannot be. When we choose thoughts of love and forgiveness we can live in a reality of love and acceptance. And as we focus on and see the light in others, we can bring out and see the light within ourselves.
Light and Love,
♥k